What holds us down? What pulls us (for better or worse) to the rocky bottom of our own depths?
It is Gravity that brings us down. It is Gravity that holds us close. It is Gravity that (for better or worse) pulls us to rock bottom.
Some believe in the passive, but evil, intentions of nature. They see malice in the fire that burns down a childhood home or the hurricane that leads to so many deaths.
The effects of climate change are painted as Mother Nature’s revenge for humanity's crimes against the planet. Are these acts of malice? Vengeance? Is Mother Nature out to get us?
I live on Earth so it seems like Gravity is working against me. It seems like Gravity wants to bring me down. For better or worse, it seems like Gravity wants to keep me grounded.
I have been pondering my own value lately. My insecurities from internalized oppression tell me I am fundamentally flawed and my only choice is to hide. So I do.
I retreat up into my head where I cannot feel that I am sick to my stomach with worry. “You are too much,” the internalized oppression says.
“No one will love you and no one will stay if you are too much. And you are too much.”
I am working against me. I want to bring me down.
To get away from the pain, I climb higher and higher into the safety of my mind. I will outthink the danger. I will strategize, plot, connive, and scheme. I will figure out how to disfigure myself enough to look like someone who is not too much. Then they will stay.
Gravity, get the hell away from me.
Gravity is the feeling of nausea in my stomach. Gravity is trying to keep me in my body, where healing can happen. Gravity wants to bring me down.
Gravity is Mother Nature’s way of holding me close and keeping me safe. When I float away I lose all of her protection, guidance, and abundance. I am the safest when I am grounded, in my body, on the earth. Mother Nature knows this.
But I dream of ways to throw it all away. I escape into my mind and worry myself into sleepless nights and anxiety disorders. I escape onto spaceships with elaborate plans to live amongst the stars. I escape from healing and safety. Luckily, Gravity is working against me.
Gravity wants to keep me where the light is.
If I heed the wisdom of Gravity and I stay in my body on the earth, I will have to make some changes to the way I live. If I cannot escape, I will have to clean up my messes in order to embody aliveness emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
It’s gonna send me to my knees.
I will use therapeutic tools to address my insecurities, nausea, anxiety, and worry. I will clean up my oil spills, find sustainable sources of energy, and consume less. I will probably need help to do this. But Gravity has taken better men than me out of the darkness of their own raging inferiority and superiority, into the light.
Keep me where the light is.
Mother Nature, please teach me how to live in harmony with this glorious planet.
Please teach me how to live in harmony with my body, who loves me.
Please teach me how to live in harmony with humanity, who IS me.
Please, keep me where the light is.
How is Gravity trying to ground you in your body?
What healing is your body showing you you need?
What rock bottoms is Gravity pulling you towards?
If you cannot escape, what messes can you clean up in order to embody more aliveness (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually)?
Until next time... Heal. Embody. Repeat.